griddle drippings, first(ish) draft

Cheap Giggle of the Plastic Shuttle

We Google the names of the astronauts,
knees up on your kitchen table.

O God, these yellow cars and undulations
in apartments facing Safeway.
You in your research of Irish wars.
Me and my radical collared gunk.

Someone is clanking a fingernail
on a candy dish of snookered tongues.

Let my glowsticks work on Sunday morning,
in the throes of slanted heads and wet stairs.
Tonight, a dude to whom I've never
lent a pocketknife or my faintest glint

will make a joke about the government,
hog the keyboard, snuff away unpocketed.

This is between our stingy compassion
and a universe of dead ants. It's dire --
though the Challenger tugged the whiskers
from the owner of a local deli. And no,

no, we may never know that hounding,
like a flood victim, like a late knife.

But we need the fuck out of those names.
We've opened seven jillion frozen brands,
but we have not yet purchased any real
smudge, any trumped up foray into birth.


Bryan said...

this is good FizzPo.

however, it's almost like you're trying to make the reader aware of the poem's fizziness.

maybe if you used 'proper grammar' less...

or maybe it's the "O!"

i'm not sure.

Mike Young said...

Actually, I wasn't really trying to make it fizzy at all. I think it's pretty straightforward, I dunno. Except for the "owner of the local deli" part.

But perhaps. Who knows?

Is O! fizzy?

Jess said...

I'm not sure that "O!" is fizzy on its own, but there is definately some sort of fizzful reaction happening in the line "O! let my glowsticks work on Sunday morning."

Bryan said...

i think it's fizzy.

there's something fizzy in alluding to space shuttle columbia (i'm assuming that's what you're alluding to) and "needing the fuck out of names"

it's fizzy.

"O!" by itself lacks fizz -- but its use draws more attention to the fizziness of the poem

Mike Young said...

I fucked up. I fixed it. The old guy remembers Challenger; ours is Columbia.

Mike Young said...

I think it's not fizzpo because everything in the poem seems like it belongs to the same scene, the same "house" if we're going by the rules of the manifesto-thingie.

Bryan said...

i guess so. i think i was referring more to the language as fizzy.

but i see what you mean.