men work in fields with feelings

Man, everybody always posts about their scholarship. I am a scholar too. Sources have pegged me a "public theorist." Here are the titles of some of my upcoming projects, all of which will be published in TIME, Rolling Stone, Good Housekeeping and The Dayton, Ohio Electrical Appliance Quarterly:

-The Ethical and Legal Responsibilities of MySpace: Not to Mention the Loss of Eyesight!

-The Linguistics of AstrocolonialismTM: Neo-Colonialism-Post-Colonialism, or Will Space Travel Demand a Unity of Languages and Will That Affect My Friday Nights?

-Do Dinosaurs Poop?

-marginal Diction: How Civilization Will Reorient Itself After the Replacement of Phrases Like "A Sort Of" With Phrases Like "This, Like"

-Cognitive Memory Machines In The Age of Infinite Mechanical Duplication: How Google supersedes Actual Memory and Proves That My Title Is Cooler Than Your Dog

-No, Really, Do They?

P.S. Google says I am the first person to use the word astrocolonialismTM. Pay up, suckers. Even though I can't trademark a noun?!

P.P.S. Ignore this post and read my story below.


Anonymous said...

i look forward to your astrocolonialism project, if "project" is the right word-hee hee. but one question: are there friday nights.........IN SPACE?!?!

Bryan Coffelt said...


there are not friday nights in space. every night is a sunday night. and everyone knows sunday nights fucking SUCK. thus: space fucking sucks.

Mike Young said...

Bryan is going to take care of all logical arguments in my projects.

Bryan Coffelt said...