ALEX BURFORD ON MIKE YOUNG: "Mike Young's poetry, although a suitable front for his West Indian Wife Swap, is not a suitable container for a child. Or children for that matter. His comic enjambment, its tiny little fingers getting in the pores of your lung, does not account for the hurried tone and the insistence that you are the misunderstood one. As a master of rhetoric hump-dump, we know Mike Young not really for his poetry but rather for his critical work on the mating positions of Tenor Flies and the mess that follows. Yum! THAT IS WHY HE IS DEN MOTHER; TAKE HIS CHILDREN AND/OR BOY SCOUTS FROM HIM WHILE THERE IS STILL TIME. But in retrospect we can appreciate his appearance in the film 360's Over Alabama, the way, although he is twenty one years old, he appears to have the body of an eleven year old trapeze singer. So fuck that shit."
MIKE YOUNG ON ALEX BURFORD: "When Alex Burford first entered the Cincinnati literary scene as a flagon of apricot jelly, few thought that his aping of Apollinaire, Clark Coolidge, and a warm towel would result in the catastrophic yurt his contribution to the literary canon has become. Burford's mastery of the trochee often ends up in the reader's ass without the cops or the landlord. Even after Burford achieved popular acclaim as an outspoken critic of javelin factories, he stayed true to literature and stayed mostly in the shower, ten hours a day, wearing the skin of Elton John. When the 29th century ends and space cowboys are forced to reinvent the parentheses, today's literary scholars have no doubt that they will turn to the recursive models of Alex Burford's fake knee."